I never thought I would be able to say it, but I am leaving Rome tomorrow. I can barely believe that I am writing my blog about this. Leaving Rome has brought such a flurry of emotions to my thoughts. I really do not know just how to feel. Should I be sad to leave? Should I be happy to start a new period in my life? Should I be so happy to go home that I can think of nothing else? Processing these thoughts further divides me, but I know that by doing that I can find understanding.
The first thought I feel is sadness to leave. After I have been living in Rome for three months, I can truly say that it is beginning to feel like home. I love the rush of people around me, the flocks of tourists, and the many foreign languages being spoken around me. In Rome Baptist I have found a steady church. I am beginning to become established there; I was just starting to make friends and build a church family. In addition to that, I greatly enjoy the 16 other Geneva students with whom I live. Though we come from different crowds, we have become so close. And now in the end the bonds are beginning to strengthen. As the end comes, much is beginning.
The second thought I feel is happiness to be home. I have a great family to welcome me home. Talking to my mom, she has told me how excited she is to cook me real American food. I must say I am looking forward to that. I have great friends waiting for me at home. Seeing them again we are going to have such a great time catching up and telling each other stories. I have also great friends waiting for me at a great school called Geneva. These past three months could seem really long when I thought about home.
As I stare at the suitcases in my room and the piles of stuff waiting to be packed, I find it exceedingly difficult to put my thoughts about leaving into words. It is a difficult divide, to want to stay here and go home. Many times in life, your loves become further spread out than you can reach. If you have something great in one place and something else in another, you cannot keep both. You have to choose. That choice is painful. As hard as it is, as much sadness as it brings me, I can truly say that God has been with me through the whole thing. When I was homesick his daily grace gave me the strength to move forward. And now that I am torn about leaving Rome, his same grace is with me. Whether I am in Rome or Washington, God, the love I will always be able to reach, is with me. In that is comfort. It is like that famous hymn, Amazing Grace, says, "And grace will lead me home."
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